tcdl If there’s one topic I get asked about the most it’s how to get a boyfriend.
I understand. When you’re single and looking for a quality partner, it can be frustrating when you don’t find someone right away. And the more you want it, the more desperate you can get in wanting a boyfriend. The more desperate you are…well…the less likely you are to attract a man. It’s a Catch 22 situation.
But I’m here to tell you that, with a little patience and the tips below, you will find a boyfriend. You’ll find an amazing guy that you don’t have to settle for because he’ll be everything you want in a man.
Tip 1: Be Confident and Show It
Even if inside you feel desperate and lonely, I want you to work toward projecting total confidence. It can take time, so if you don’t feel confident today, realize you need to work up to it. But men love confident women. A confident woman seems like she can take care of herself. She doesn’t appear to need a man but rather wants one in her world.
A confident woman is sexy. Desirable. Worth putting effort into winning over.
Don’t you want to come off as that woman?
I thought so.
Here are a few ways you can boost your confidence and improve your ability to get a boyfriend:
- Smile at yourself in the mirror. Tell yourself you are beautiful every time you see your reflection. No one has to hear you!
- Wear clothes you feel amazing in, even if you’re just going to the grocery store
- Pull your shoulders back when you walk
- Pretend you own the place when you walk into a room
Tip 2: Take Your Time
I know you want to figure out how to get a boyfriend today, but girl, you need to be patient. I know that isn’t what you want to hear, but understand that the next man who will be your boyfriend is out there somewhere. But right now, he may not be emotionally ready to connect with you. He might be in another relationship. Hell, you might not actually be ready for a relationship.
When it’s right, it will happen.
When you try to rush finding love, you may waste a lot of energy bemoaning the fact that you’re single and complaining about how there are no men left. What do you think this energy does for you?
Nothing.
In fact, it may even prevent you from finding a boyfriend. You’ve heard the saying like attracts like? If you spend all your energy complaining about being single, you’re creating negative energy. It’s like filling your body up with junk food. These junk thoughts impact what you attract. If you complain about being single, you’ll stay single. Or you’ll attract the wrong kind of guy simply because you don’t want to be alone.
So go slow. Learn to accept the fact that sometimes you will be alone. There’s nothing wrong with it. Embrace it. More on that in a minute. But first, a few ways you can learn to take your time as you learn how to get a boyfriend.
- Realize that being single is a temporary situation. It might last a week…or a year. But it’s not permanent.
- Watch movies like How to Be Single that show an upbeat view of single life.
- Maintain high standards when talking to men. Just because you want a boyfriend doesn’t mean the next guy who messages you on Tinder is the one.
Tip 3: Get a Life
Okay, let’s talk more about embracing being alone. I know it seems counterintuitive to finding a boyfriend, but bear with me.
It’s shocking how uncomfortable humans are with being alone. In a study published in Science Magazine, researchers found that, given the choice of sitting quietly with their thoughts or electroshocking themselves, an overwhelming number of participants chose the shocks.
Are you wigging out as much as I am about this??
Somewhere along the way, mankind decided that the only way to assign value to ourselves was to be surrounded by other people or in relationships. Who are you if there’s not someone nearby to tell you that you’re awesome?
Really?
You are awesome, and you don’t need a boyfriend or even to constantly go out all the time to prove it. But you may need to change your mindset and even your habits to ensure that you’re not sitting around feeling lonely.
The best way to find a boyfriend is to not be looking for one. Get a life. Be active. Do things you love. And then, when you least suspect it, someone great will come along. You might meet a guy at your hiking group’s weekly meetup, or at the coffee shop. But you won’t meet him if you’re sitting at home crying about it.
Here are a few ways you can get a life and stop focusing on wanting a man:
- Pick up a new activity. Exercise is a great place to start. Rock climbing, anyone?
- Find things to do alone that you love. Check out a great book. Rent a movie. Give yourself a manicure. Make this a habit.
- Go out with friends…just don’t do it every night of the week.
Tip 4: Be Open to Opportunity
Like I said in the last tip: you could meet a fantastic guy just about anywhere.
He could be the cutie who stops to ask you what you’re reading in the park.
He might be your next dance partner at the club.
He could be your brother’s best friend.
He might show up at your next business mixer.
You’ll notice that in all these scenarios, you are out and about when these opportunities arise. Again, they’re not happening for you at home! Yes, online dating is a tool you should consider, but you’ll maximize your chance of finding a boyfriend if you are open to the possibility at all times.
So how can you be more open to opportunity?
- Put effort into looking nice whenever you leave the house. I’m not saying put on your full war paint, but clean, flattering clothes and brushed hair are a start!
- Say yes to invitations for events you might not otherwise want to go to.
- Smile! Every time you see an attractive man, smile at him. That way, he’s not scared off by your resting bitchy face.
Tip 5: Be Ready to Commit to the Process
I always say that dating is not for the faint of heart. You can put a lot of effort into talking to guys, then going on dates, and they may never pan out. You may start to get jaded and think, if I have to get all dolled up for yet another bad date, I am going to hurl!
But look at it like this: think about the last time you were job hunting. I bet you put a lot of time and energy into scouring those job ads, reading them, and applying for the ones you liked. Then you had several interviews, only one of which was a job offer.
You see where I’m going with this?
Dating takes dedication. You can’t put in 10 minutes a week and then throw your hands up and scream, I give up! There’s no one for me!
You’ve got to be ready to commit. It will take time. It will take emotional energy. Some days, you’ll want to give up, and that’s okay. On those days, I say just take a break. Spend some time by yourself or with friends and don’t think about how to get a boyfriend. You can pick up your efforts when you’re ready.
Just don’t expect results if you’re not ready to put in the effort. Here, a few guidelines:
- Be open to all channels, including singles mixers, online dating, and meeting through friends.
- Dedicate several hours a week to attending events and looking online.
- When you get discouraged, back off. Have some time away from the process, then get back to it.
Tip 6: Be Open to Who You Meet
Another mistake I see a lot of women make is not giving a guy a chance. This happens a lot online, where first impressions mean a lot. But in reality, guys can suck at taking good profile pics or writing their bios. So if you’re judging them by that, you might miss out on some great guys.
And even if you don’t hit it off with a man you’re on a date with, you never know where that relationship could go. A lot of dates that fizzle out end up creating great friendships.
I know a woman who went out with a man she met on OKCupid. The chemistry wasn’t there, so they decided to be friends. He invited her to a party he was hosting, and she brought her friends. Now they’re all friends, and the ladies often ask the gentleman for advice on reading men. That’s a bonus in my book, to have a male friend who can give you a different perspective on dating than your girlfriends!
So give a guy a chance.
- Give him a second date. Some men are incredibly nervous on a first date and don’t make a great impression. But on a second date, they’re more at ease.
- Before you swipe left, consider at least engaging in conversation. If he’s witty and intelligent, that blurry selfie might not even matter. Plus guys are better looking in person usually.
- Don’t be closed off when going on a date. You never know what it could turn into (business connection, he’s got a friend better suited for you, etc.).
Tip 7: Flirt
The best thing about being single is that you have the license to flirt. Hard. Not only does flirting boost your confidence (not to mention the confidence of the man you’re batting your eyelashes at), but it also gives you the opportunity to get better at it. Oh, and it raises your white blood cell count and strengthens your immune system.
And heads up: you might have to be pretty obvious when you get your flirt on. In a research project, it was found that only 36% of men realized when ladies were flirting with them. DUH!
Even if you have no intention of making that bartender your next boyfriend, it can feel good to flirt and be flirted with. And the possibility of scoring a free drink? Always a perk.
- Make a point to flirt with someone each time you go out with your friends or alone.
- Smile. That’s the biggest part of flirting.
Tip 8: Wait to Have Sex
When you do meet a guy that you’re into, those first few dates are pretty critical. They’re when both of you determine whether you have enough chemistry to take things to the next level, AKA a relationship. Having sex too soon can ruin your chances for this guy turning out to be a boyfriend.
Why?
Having sex too soon — like after just one to three dates — can put sex too much in the center of things between you and this guy. He may assume you’re only after a hookup or something casual when, in fact, you really want to develop a nurturing relationship.
And because many women feel more emotionally connected to a man after having sex with him, jumping between the sheets too early might make you feel like you’re into a guy more than you would be if you hadn’t slept together. In other words, sex can skew your feelings about a man. It can create a rosy glow that keeps you from seeing the flaws that ultimately mean you won’t end up together long.
So how long should you wait? Talia Goldstein, CEO of Three Day Rule, a white glove matchmaking service, says: “There are no hard and fast rules in terms of when you should be intimate with someone, but in general, it’s best to wait until you feel like you’ve made an emotional connection.”
Here are more tips to cooling your libido when you first start dating a guy.
- Plan dates that keep you away from either of your houses. Netflix and chill is really code for “let’s get it on.”
- If he’s pushing to get intimate, tell him you want to wait until you know one another better.
- Keep those good night kisses short and sweet. Focus on the anticipation of when you finally do have sex! It’ll be amazing.
Tip 9: Question Your Reason for Wanting a Boyfriend
You put so much energy into wanting a boyfriend…but have you considered why you want one?
Is it because you don’t want to be lonely anymore?
Because you want someone to spend your weekends with?
Because you’re horny?
Because you want to make your ex jealous?
Or is it…
Because you’re at a point in your life where you’re ready to be a great partner?
Because you want a partner to learn from and grow with?
Because you’re ready to give all your love to one man?
This second batch of reasons is perfectly legitimate. But if, when you’re really honest with yourself, you agree with some of the first batch of reasons why you want a boyfriend, I encourage you to explore those reasons. As I said before: being lonely isn’t the end of the world. It can actually be really fulfilling if you let it. If you want a more robust social life, go out with your friends or make new ones. If you’re horny, well, you don’t need a man to help with that. 😊 And if you want to make your ex jealous? Grow up. You’re better than that.
- Want to get into a relationship because you’re ready and have love to give.
- Only look for a boyfriend when you’re completely okay with and secure in yourself.
- Constantly revisit your reasons for wanting a man as a reality check.
Tip 10: Put Yourself Out There
It can be incredibly scary to put yourself out there, especially if you’re recently single. But I’m telling you here and now: if you’re not willing to be brave, you may not find a boyfriend as quickly as you’d like.
Creating an online profile on a dating site is scary as hell. But really, what have you got to lose? Even if you only play around with it and never go on dates, you get a feel for the tool and maybe get some good texting experience under your belt.
Walking up to a guy at a party or in a bar takes guts (imagine how we feel!). But you’ll never see him again…unless it works out. So give it a shot.
Giving a guy your number doesn’t mean you have to marry him. If he asks you out, it’s just drinks. Or dinner. Or coffee. Or whatever. You’re not signing your life away.
So just do it. Be brave and allow yourself to try things you never thought you would, all in the name of love.
Conclusion:
My best tip on how to get a boyfriend?
Just let it happen.
Be open, be brave, and be confident.
Your next boyfriend — who very well could be The One — is out there. The anticipation of when he’ll fall into your life is half the fun. Wake up every day happy and full of expectations. Could today be the day you meet him? Do you already know him? Allow the magic of dating and finding the right guy to fill you with enthusiasm.
After all, what’s the alternative? Sulking because you’re not partnered up? That’s no good.
I know when you have friends who are married or who are couples, it can be hard being single. But think of it like this: some of your girlfriends may envy you. Their relationships might look great from the outside, but usually, you have no idea what’s really going on. One girlfriend could be putting up with a cheater or just a loser guy, and may not be brave enough to leave him. Another may not have had sex for years.
So yea, from their perspective, your singleton life may look pretty fabulous.
So embrace it. Enjoy being able to do exactly what you want to do. No checking in with someone. No having to factor in the fact that your man is a vegan/nondrinker/introvert when you make plans. You can eat popcorn and ice cream for dinner and watch chick flicks all night. No judgment.
But one day, you’re going to meet a marvelous man. And some of what you loved about being single will go away. Certainly, you’ll trade one set of perks for another, but you may look back at your single time and be a little nostalgic.
So live in the moment, you Sexy, Confident lady. You won’t be single forever, so make the most of the time you have before Mr. Right comes along.